Frustrations with Discipline

"You should try taking away his toys"
"Put him in time out"
"Ground him to his room"
"Spank him already!"

We all hear it; the constant criticism of how we raise our children. I am certain that there is not one parent in all of history who was not criticized for at least one parenting decision. It is especially difficult for parents of children who are differently abled. Autism raises a whole new set of unique and individualized problems, that most people in our society simply don't understand. The old views of, "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" only make matters worse. Typical rewards and consequences don't seem to do the trick. We, as moms, have tried everything with no result. It can be tiring and frustrating. We can succumb to the pressures that other people in our lives have placed on us. In the end it is only making matters worse. So, what do we do?!

With any child, Autistic or not, punishment and rewards will only work if YOU, the parent is consistent and always follows through. Children with Autism especially rely on our ability to carry through with routine. They need to know what to expect. Children who are higher functioning often aren't understood, because so many people think that they should adjust like any other child. But, they just can't. If you say you are going to do some thing; do it. Easy as that.

Our children don't understand social cues. Often times they are just trying to keep up. We certainly can't expect them to understand our gestures, facial cues or silent frustration. We need to be clear with them and make certain that they are understanding us. Becoming frustrated or angry will only cause them to shut down in some manner; retreating into a safer little world. Calm, stern voices that state clear and concise expectations will ensure that your child is getting a better understanding.

I have learned that the best option for my child is redirection.  We still use set punishments and rewards, but rarely does that have a great impact on the behavior. People in general have behaviors when reacting to certain stressors. This is no different for a child with Autism, in fact it is heightened. Just keep in mind that ever behavior has a reason. How well did your child sleep? Is there a lot of noise? A lot of pressure? Not enough sensory input? Try to learn your child's wants and needs to avoid bad behaviors and melt downs.

No one situation is same and we as parents are far from perfect. It is all a learning experience. But, we try our hardest because we love our children and want the best for them. Don't let what others say and demand of you to ruin your parenting experience. Every child is a blessing, a unique and wonderful blessing. Our job as parents is to embrace them, their differences and learn to guide them on to the path that is best for them!